How To Overcome Bitterness

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Webster defines bitter as unhappy or angry because of unfair treatment. I think what this definition leaves out is time. Your local fast-food restaurant messes up your order, the cashier skips over you in line and it doesn’t make you bitter, it doesn’t even make you unhappy.  Angry? Yes, but not bitter or unhappy. Unhappiness and bitterness both require time. Being bitter is from a build up of what one feels is  unfair treatment. You feel you’re giving your 100% to love, friendship, family, or even work. When you’re constantly not getting back what you feel you put out, it leaves you unhappy and bitter. I feel you.

There’s an easy way to not be bitter about the way a relationship ended or the way a situation is playing out. This is the part where you probably tell me to go to Hell. Also, please note that I’m solely speaking on bitterness from the relationships in our lives. Brace yourself. If you don’t want to be bitter, you have to accept accountability. Even if all you did was forgive too many times, you have to accept your part in things. Instead of looking at the actions of others as what they did to you, look at it as what you allowed. 

Accepting accountability doesn’t mean you take all the blame. It doesn’t dilute the other person’s blame by accepting your piece of fault. It stops you from being a victim. Don’t see where you’re at fault for the end result? Allow me to help. Below is a list of things that most may label as being good traits. These traits often  lead to bitterness:

  • Ignoring red flags

  • Trying to fix, help, or heal

  • Giving second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc chances

  • Staying longer than you should

  • Being too comfortable


I know some items of the list fall into you just being a good person. Trying to fix, help or heal for instance. That sounds like a great thing until the person you’re trying to fix, breaks you. You have to accept responsibility for the alcoholic whose disease you tried to love away. Are you qualified to help an alcoholic? I know we think love and care fixes everything, but it doesn’t. Some of the people we try to heal, need professional help. The friend you loaned money to that never paid you back? Did they need help because they didn’t have the income coming in, or because they’re not good with managing money? In either situation, you have to accept responsibility for loaning it. That family member that needed a place to stay? You let them live with you and they destroy your place, or they don’t respect your rules, or they just don’t carry their weight. Could that be why they needed someone to live in the first place? You thought you would be different and you weren’t. Accept your responsibility. 

If you accept accountability for your actions and choices it will also prevent you from making the same mistake again. If you see nothing wrong with what you’re doing, then you will keep repeating the same relationships with lovers, friends, family, and work. I know sometimes it feels good to be the victim, it excuses you from the crappy things you do/say out of that bitterness. If you want better though, you have to take some accountability. If you’re reading this and cursing me out, accept your responsibility for continuing to read when you knew where it was leading.

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