I Just Don't Feel Like Being A Good Friend

Brace yourself for what I am about to say. According to social media, this is completely going against the rules of friendship. I just don’t feel like being a good friend.

There, I said it. It sounds selfish, mean, and possibly rude. Nonetheless, it’s how I feel right now. With the holidays coming, I’m feeling it even more. It’s this dreaded feeling that I have to take time from myself and give it to someone else. 

For years, I have been that person that carries their phone with them everywhere. I never turned it on silent. I never missed a call that I didn’t return in five minutes. They’d call and I’d come running. They want the encouraging words I give to help them see their dilemma differently.

They want me to make them feel better, but I don’t think they understand the problems of the people I love weighs on me. Their worries are my worries, their stressors are my stressors, their heartbreak is my heartbreak, and right now I don’t want to feel anyone else’s feelings. 

It has been like that for the majority of my life with no reimbursement of my energy, generosity, or consideration. It’s draining, to say the least.

This is the happiest I’ve been in my adult life. I still have struggles of course but the headspace I am in is beautiful. I don’t want to share it. For once, I want to be my own peace. While it may be seen as selfish, I see it as self-care. This decision came with guilt, but I’m freeing myself of that, today. I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel like it.

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